Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
