i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
