Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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