My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
