What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I would ride that face into the sunset
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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