His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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