So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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