Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
