dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I woke up under a house in Key West
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
