Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Farmville is her only friend.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
