Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
