my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize