you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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