are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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