Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
