Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Randomize
