why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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