How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
