Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
