the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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