Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
