I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
