Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
