It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
