if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
