Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize