It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
