Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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