I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
