Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize