My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
