fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
