Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
