Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
