walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
