My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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