About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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