yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
