he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I want her autograph on my taint
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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