my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You may now shotgun with the bride
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
