sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
