I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
