AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
