Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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