my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
