Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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