I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
