Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
