Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
