M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
