Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
