Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
