Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
