You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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