I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
