lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
