yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize