matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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