I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize