3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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