i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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