similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
