Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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