I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
