Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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